Loyalty Read online

  Loyalty

  Adam & Carrie’s

  Story

  A Devine Novella

  D H SIDEBOTTOM

  Loyalty, Devine #2

  Copyright © 2015

  By D H Sidebottom

  This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to actual places, incidents and persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

  Copyright © 2015 D H Sidebottom. Please do not copy, alter or redistribute this book.

  Faith is the bird that feels the light when the dawn is still dark.

  Rabindranath Tagore

  Prologue

  One

  Two

  Three

  Four

  Five

  Six

  Seven

  Eight

  Nine

  Ten

  Eleven

  Epilogue

  Prologue

  Adam

  Watching the pebble skim the surface of the water, my body stiffened reflexively when I felt Cole approach. “Is it done?” I asked without turning to him, my gaze fixed on the suns reflection in the large pond I’d often come to since I was a small boy whenever something was troubling me. The solitude and tranquillity this place always gave me, along with the peace I needed to deal with the ache in both my head and my heart, had me visiting more often than not.

  “Yeah.” My eyes closed when I heard the pain in his voice.

  My head eventually turned towards him when he sat beside me, his eyes full of sorrow, a sadness that matched the burn in my heart, for more than one reason. “Did he make it quick?”

  He nodded, his gaze moving out to watch the slow ripples on the pond. “Yeah, he kept his promise.”

  I scoffed at that, squinting when the sunlight bounced off the water and hit my focus direct. “There’s a first time for everything.”

  Cole’s eyes squeezed closed and I placed my hand over his knee, giving it a comforting squeeze. He looked at me, his eyes full of tears, one of them trickling down his cheek. “I miss him already, Adam.” I nodded, unable to find the words to voice my own agreement and longing. “What happens when she finds out?” he asked hesitantly, knowing how quickly my mood could shift.

  I flinched but shook my head, unable to answer. “I don’t know,” I whispered when the fear restricted my throat.

  “Maybe she’ll understand, Adam, you know, maybe she’ll understand you couldn’t do anything to stop it.”

  “This isn’t Romeo and Juliet, Cole. It isn’t some fucking tragedy. She won’t understand. Far fucking from it.”

  “But he was your best friend too, you’re hurting too.”

  “He wasn’t my brother though was he?” I spat angrily. “Carrie trusted me, Cole. The only thing I promised her was to trust me. She will never forgive me.” Looking away, hating the fall of my own tears, I forcefully threw another pebble, curling a lip when it just plopped into the depths of the green slime. “I already know our relationship is over. I’ve lost the woman I love and my best friend, and my father, all in the space of ten hours.”

  Cole gulped. I could feel his eyes on the back of my head but I refused to give him witness to my heartache. “What will you do?”

  I paused, closing my eyes as my future hurt as much as my past. “The only thing I can do to make the pain bearable for her. Leave Manchester.”

  “But…” he spluttered. “Your family is the only thing you have left, apart from me!”

  Shaking my head, I lowered my face to watch the way I was mechanically picking at the sore skin at the edge of my thumb nail. “I no longer call him my family, Cole. If he can kill my Fiancé’s brother and my best friend without so much as a blink of remorse then it’s obvious how much I actually mean to him. His business is more important than I will ever be.”

  “But I’ll miss you. Where will you go?”

  Shaking my head I shrugged, unable to give him an answer. “I have no idea. But I need to give Carrie the space she needs away from me. She will hate me for this, Cole. I can’t give her that pain every time she looks at me, every time she sees me in the street. I will always be a reminder of Gabe’s death.”

  “I have a friend in London, he can get you in touch with Jake Devine. I’ll call him, see if he can do anything for you.”

  I grabbed Cole’s hand. “Thank you, I appreciate it.”

  He gave me a nod, then unexpectedly pulled me into his embrace. “You take care, Adam. Live life, mate. Do things that you want to do instead of living for your father like you have for the last eighteen years. Move on, Carrie will get through it.”

  “She’ll never get through it,” I sighed. “Nor will I. She was the one, Cole. And if I’m honest, as much of a pussy I sound, my heart will never recover. My soul will crumble the minute I walk away from her.”

  “I understand,” he whispered back as he stood. “I’ll text you an address when I’ve spoken to my friend. Good luck.”

  Giving him a grateful smile, I nodded. “And you, Cole. Thank you.”

  He waved me off and let out a deep breath. “I’ll miss you too.”

  I nodded firmly, hating the way the need to sob was becoming overpowering. “Look after her.”

  He peered at me. “Of course, always.”

  He turned, his own face crumpling with his tears. I watched him go through the blur of my own. Then, I got up, climbed in my car and left.

  I left a father who I hated nearly as much as I hated myself.

  I left a best friend who I would miss so, so much.

  And I left behind the girl I had loved since I had watched her walk into our maths lesson when I was a spotty fourteen year old boy. She had hypnotised me with her long golden hair and her striking bright blue eyes. But more than that, she had given me reason to live through my father’s beatings and my mother’s alcoholic tantrums. She had showed me what love really meant, her devotion the reason my heart sang every time I woke in the mornings. She gave me a reason to keep breathing through the hell of home life just to see her amazing smile every day. She had taken my heart and caressed it with her honesty and her tenderness.

  But Gabe, her twin brother and my best friend, meant as much to her as I did, and now my father had ended his life because he had got himself into some debt and instead of speaking to me about it, he’d pocketed the money from a deal he’d done in my father’s name.

  Gabe had not only ended his own life, but mine alongside it. Carrie would never forgive me, as much as I’d begged my father not to kill him. But like the whole of my life, he’d blatantly pushed aside my needs just to show his army what happens if you’re not loyal to him. But now Carrie and I paid the price for my father’s ruthlessness too.

  But rather than put her through the pain of seeing me daily, I chose to take leave and give her the solace she would need to get through her grief. Because I loved her enough to not hurt her, even though my disloyalty to her would see her heart crumble as much as the news of her brother would do.

  One

  Carrie

  Thirteen years later

  I stared at the woman when she laughed and shouted something about pants as she shut a door behind her. Turning, she jolted when she saw me. She clamped her hand over her chest as if I had startled her but smiled kindly and I returned her smile. “Can I help you, madam?”

  I was perspiring so much my glasses were sliding down the bridge of my nose, the thump of my heart rate actually making me wonder if it was the vibrations sending them careering down also. “Uhh,” I stuttered nervously, “I’m here to see Adam Marshall.”

  She smiled again and gestured to one of the sofas situated in the middle of the room. “Do you have an appointment Miss…?”

  “Duke,” I offered, “Carrie Duke.” Then shaking my head, added, “I’m sorr
y, no I don’t.”

  It was becoming more obvious that I shouldn’t have come. I don’t know why I even had if I was honest. Temptation, to see how he had grown? Need, to just feel that little kick in my heart again? Want, my soul begging me for a moments peace? Anger, at how he could just up and leave me? Hatred, for his part in Gabe’s death? I wasn’t sure which emotion was overruling the other right then, my head aching with each clashing thought.

  “He’s in a meeting at the moment,” the woman said as she turned to a kettle sat on the side.

  That was when I caught a glimpse of the man I had fallen in love with seventeen years ago. A window sat to the side of the room and even though the blinds were lowered, they were open, each slat exposing a small view of my first love. A tall guy with dark blond hair moved and there sat Adam, his face turned towards the other man as he raged about something. The glass was evidently soundproof because no sound actually filtered through but it was obvious Adam was no longer the gentle soul he had been all those years ago. Although his face was still as beautiful, it was now red and angry. He was clearly enraged, his palms flat on the table as he leaned forward, spit flying from his mouth at his venomous rant and his eyes narrow with hatred.

  He’d turned into his father.

  Turning quickly, I fled, my rampant heart rate giving me the fuel to propel me down the stairs, my heels catching on the edge of a step and surging me forward. The Lord only knew how I remained upright as I ran out of the building.

  Stupid! I was stupid. I should never have sought him out. I should have left the image of his handsome smiling face as I had remembered for all the years. I couldn’t even understand why I had gone to visit him.

  Yes I could.

  I still loved him.

  ***

  “Well?” Em pushed the latte towards me when I dashed into the coffee shop around the corner from Deviant where she had been waiting for me.

  I tilted my neck back, directing my sweaty face towards the cool breeze coming through the air conditioning ventilation grid above our table and finally let out the huge breath I’d been holding.

  “Carrie?” Emily pushed again.

  Shaking my head and letting out a sigh, I took a much needed gulp of my coffee and eyed her over the rim. “I couldn’t.”

  She nodded, completely understanding. She was my housemate, my best friend and my confidant. I loved her immensely and there was nothing she didn’t know about me, including mine and Adam’s childhood relationship and how it had been his father who had murdered my own brother.

  “I saw him though.” I divulged quietly. Her eyes widened and she nodded, encouraging me to go on. “He’s….” I frowned, trying to find the words I needed to tell her how rampant my heart beat had become with just one glimpse. How my soul had cheered and my spirit sang out with just one look, one - single - damn - look. “He’s the same but… different.”

  “Well, it’s been thirteen years, Carrie, he’s bound to have changed.”

  I blinked, shaking my head. “No, he looks exactly the same but… harder. I don’t know, just… angry, if I’m honest.”

  She shrugged, taking a drink of her own brew. “Maybe he is angry. Hell, he lost his best friend and you Carrie….”

  “Em,” I warned as I leaned forward, dropping my voice to a discrete whisper. “His family killed my brother, not his, which in turn killed me. He lost fuck all!”

  She sighed, conceding the argument she never won. “Anyway,” she grinned and I quirked an eyebrow. “Tim’s having a party tonight.”

  “Nope…”

  “Carrie…”

  “No, Em. I’m at work in the morning….” I groaned when my pager beeped, Emily echoing my groan of frustration when I pulled out my phone and dialled Carl.

  “You need me?”

  “Hey sugar,” he greeted. “Yep, the big man himself wants a warrant serving.”

  “Christ!” I grumbled. “Why can’t Jim do it?”

  “Cause Jim’s wife’s finally gone into labour.”

  I smiled at that. “Really? Oh it’s about time. Okay, on my way.”

  Emily pulled a face at me but I shrugged. “Sorry, chick. It’s my job, especially if the commissioner himself wants a warrant serving, then we all jump.” She sighed but nodded in understanding.

  “Okay, but please come for an hour at least tonight.”

  I rolled my eyes but nodded, feeling guilty for cutting our coffee short again due to my job as judge. I loved my work and even though I’d only transferred from Manchester last month I was already settled and loving every minute. However, I was a little concerned about things I was already hearing about the high and mighty Ted Michaelson. Everyone bowed down to the man. I’d yet to have any dealings with him, but if he thought I would bend to his whim, he had another think coming… just as I was about to find out.

  ***

  “I’m sorry but no. There’s absolutely nothing to merit serving a warrant.”

  Ted Michaelson narrowed his beady eyes on me, his teeth gnawing on his bottom lip as he tried to control his ire at my refusal to issue a warrant just because he wanted one. “I know it is frustrating Mr Michaelson, but I can’t issue a warrant for a feeling you have.”

  He pursed his lips, turned on his heel and slammed the door behind him. I had a feeling the commissioner wasn’t used to people denying his requests. However, I took my job seriously. And I refused to be manipulated by a man I disliked. If there was no evidence, circumstantial or not, then I refused to issue a warrant, high commissioner or not. I knew I had just made my job ten times harder but bring it on, he’d soon find out I played the game much the same as he did.

  I also found out he made the arrest without my warrant. I had a feeling Ted Michaelson made his own rules.

  Two

  Adam

  I stared at the screen. Surely the Intel was wrong. Keegan shrugged, “Double checked it Adam, it’s all correct.”

  “Fuck!”

  I couldn’t tame the raging thrashing of my emotions, my head laughing at my heart, taunting it and telling it I deserved this. Carrie was the new judge, the new judge who by the sounds of it had denied Jake’s father a warrant to search Isla’s property. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. It, for one, meant she wasn’t a corrupt judge and for two, meant she was still the feisty little woman I remembered who refused to allow anyone to tell her what to do.

  However, if she played by the book, it suggested she wouldn’t like what I did now, nor would I ever be able to have a relationship with her.

  I closed my eyes and sighed, rubbing at my temples when the memory of her tiny little body bowing beneath mine when I took her virginity filled my vision, the feel of her skin under my tongue and her soft murmurs of love in my ear.

  “Ad…”

  I blinked up at Keegan who pulled me from my reverie. “What?”

  “What you gonna do mate?”

  I blew out a breath. “I don’t know. But it’s not good is it. Fucking Jake’s left things with me until he’s sorted the shit out with Isla, so at the moment I haven’t even got time to think about Carrie.”

  He quirked an eyebrow. “That easy is it?”

  “You know it fucking isn’t!” I snapped, making him wince but I sighed apologetically, he was only trying to be a friend. “Sorry, Kee. Just everything has run smoothly for bloody years, then this with Isla and now Carrie’s back. To be honest, I don’t even know what she wants. She probably came to tell me she’ll watch me rot in hell for Gabe’s death. Now she’s a judge, an honest one, maybe she wants justice.”

  “Well you won’t know until you go and see her.”

  I gazed at a piece of paper with an address on that he placed on my desk before he let himself out of my office. It was just an address, but it wasn’t, it was a pathway to my heart, four lines that could have the ability to either make my soul dance or drown.

  Grabbing my jacket from the back of the chair, I took a breath and prepared myself to either sink or swim
.

  ***

  I was sure I was going to pass out. Her stunning blue eyes held so much emotion when she opened the door to me that the past thirteen years slipped away and all I wanted to do was sweep her up and kiss away every single worry that her wet eyes displayed.

  “Hey,” I croaked out, my voice box as tight as her obvious emotions.

  Her hand covered her mouth as she stared at me mutely. Suddenly, she screwed up her face and reached out slowly. My heart was trying to crack open my chest and slap on my feet when the tips of her fingers softly touched my lips, her eyes following her movements. “Adam,” she whispered as though I was a mirage.

  Reflecting her, I lifted my own fingers to sweep my thumb across her eyebrow like I had always done when we were young. I’d always had a thing about her eyebrows and the soft blond hairs were still as perfectly groomed as they used to be.

  I gasped when unexpectedly her hand shot out and she slapped me across the cheek, her previous look of awe now one of a deep anger. I wasn’t surprised, in fact I’d been more shocked when she’d been tender.

  “I guess I deserve that.”

  She scoffed, “Oh Adam, I’d say you deserve a lot more than a slap.”

  “A slice of a knife, a spade and a six foot hole?” I asked with a wink, trying to lighten the mood.

  She gawped at me, her lips twitching but eventually she sighed and nodded but moved aside to let me in.

  I peered around her house. It was stunning. Rustic and traditional but with mod cons and her love of art still displayed with the many artefacts scattered about. She was still very much the girl I fell in love with.

  “You want a drink?”

  I smiled and nodded. “Coffee, please.”

  She disappeared into a kitchen and I perused the photos on her fireplace, my heart wincing at the one of her and Gabe stood laughing in front of a palm tree on one holiday we’d all gone on together. I smiled at it, the memory of that holiday one of the better ones of my childhood. Another was of her and a curvy dark haired girl on a night out, both of them worse for wear but both laughing easily.